Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy (英语) 精装 – 2017年4月24日
"Option B is the single wisest book about grief I have ever found ... I have tried to think of anyone who would not find Option B invaluable at some point in their life, and I can’t." (Decca Aitkenhead Guardian)
"Remarkable, generous, honest, [and] almost unbearably poignant … This is a book that will be quietly passed from hand to hand, and it will surely offer great comfort to its intended readers." (New York Times)
"It's a humbling - and tearjerking - story of humanity." (Marisa Bate The Pool)
"I recommend this inspiring book to everyone around the world. None of us can escape sadness, loss, or life’s disappointments, so the best option is to find our Option B." (MALALA YOUSAFZAI, Nobel Peace Prize winner)
"Sheryl writes about her own heartbreaking experience with a rare honesty. Then she and Adam translate her personal story into a powerful, practical guide for anyone trying to build resilience in their own lives, communities, and companies. It’s hard enough to resonate with readers. It’s even harder to help take concrete steps towards a better future. Option B does both." (BILL AND MELINDA GATES, co-chairs of the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation)
"Thoughtful, insightful, and compelling. Both individually and collectively, we all need to understand the power of rehabilitation, recovery, and redemption if we are to overcome adversity. This incredible book doesn’t avoid the loss and tragedy we all sometimes encounter, but it is animated by a resolve that is both inspiring and instructive." (BRYAN STEVENSON, author of Just Mercy and founder of the Equal Justice Initiative)
"Option B is as hopeful as it is heartbreaking. Here are stories of sometimes unimaginable pain and loss, but also of how human beings nonetheless have the capacity to endure and even thrive. This book is not just an absorbing read. It also provides lessons that everyone needs to learn." (ATUL GAWANDE, author of Being Mortal)
"Illuminating, original, and deeply inspiring, Option B is one part riveting memoir, one part heal-your-heart boot camp, one part stories of others who learned to thrive in the face of profound loss: a practical, vital contribution to the literature on loss and resilience." (CHERYL STRAYED, author of Wild)
"As someone who has spent the last 25 years immersed in the field of grief and bereavement I didn’t think I’d learn very much from Option B, but I did. It gave me useful ideas, ways of thinking and small steps that help rebuild a life after the death of someone we love. Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant have succeeded in combining useful information with heartfelt stories, which is illuminating and helpful. It is a book I highly recommend." (JULIA SAMUEL, author of Grief Works)
Sheryl Sandberg (Author)
SHERYL SANDBERG is chief operating officer at Facebook and international best-selling author of Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead. Prior to Facebook, she was vice president of Global Online Sales and Operations at Google. She previously served as chief of staff for the United States Treasury Department and began her career as an economist with the World Bank. She received B.A. and M.B.A. degrees from Harvard University. Sandberg serves on the boards of Facebook, The Walt Disney Company, Survey Monkey, ONE, and Women for Women International, and chairs the board of LeanIn.Org.
Adam Grant (Author)
ADAM GRANT is a psychologist and Wharton’s top-rated professor. As theNew York Timesbest-selling author ofOriginals and Give and Take, he is a leading expert on how we can find motivation and meaning, and live more generous and creative lives. He has been recognized as one of the world’s twenty-five most influential management thinkers and received distinguished scholarly achievement awards from the American Psychological Association and the National Science Foundation. He serves as a contributing op-ed writer for The New York Times. Grant earned his B.A. from Harvard University and his Ph.D. from the University of Michigan.
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I went though exactly how the book described as five stages of grief - even my experience was much better than losing a life partner:
Anger is one of the five stages of grief famously defined by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler--Ross. In the fact of loss, we're supposed to start in denial and move to anger, then to bargaining and depression. Only after we pass through these four stages can we find acceptance. But now experts realise that these are not five stages. They are five states that don't progress in a linear fashion but rise and fall.
Started at my 29, I have been playing Ultimate for five and an half years. Unlike in U.S., where the sport turned into professional, most Ultimate players in China are just amateurs who play for fun. As someone who passed her prime years as an athlete, I played the game for the purpose of exercising, developing friendship and for run. Even though, I always tried to play as good as I could on the field. It is a sport still in development here. Then a few far-sighted decided to make it more competitive by starting a single-gender movement. I have gained more than I thought what I could have gained from this great sport and from the whole community. I have also reach out to those who could benefit from my own experiences by teaching others skills I learnt. After gaining so much from playing this sport and those people I played with/against, I fully agreed and contributed to push things forward. The result is, I was being "washed out".
Much like what I start this article by telling my personal story, the author of Option B started writing the book by citing her personal story - after losing her husband, how she handled the bereavement. Compare to her story, my losing-spot-in-a-sport-team experience could be seen as much less influential as possible, but you may think different if only you could imagine my full commitment and loyalty to the team. Back to the book, I really admire the writer turned her own life experiences in helping others' to make a growth in facing adversities.
I have made a reading list this year. When finished reading Option B, I labeled it as "Psychology & Self-help". It has been a while since the last time I tried to analysis my emotions, if only I did that at all. After a few setbacks in my personal life, I discovered that I have some emotional management issues. This is probably the first time I decided to read a few more books on psychology just to diagnosis myself in a more scientific way -- not saying I have huge emotional problems, just to become better on this.
The book also got me thinking about something else on my mind - the possibilities that beyond healing emotions, make adjustments in facing adversities. While take this opportunity as motivation to push myself more in playing better Ultimate, I also shifted most of my energy into building much more for my life. Just a months ago, I already started wondering if ever I wanted just be a lawyer the rest of my life. Sure, being a lawyer especially a partner with a medium-sized law firm brings me prestige and good money. Yet most of time, i have been struggling on what I do, question my doings are really meaningful and good for the society (especially after I started mainly serving a big financial company in Lujiazhui, Shanghai's wall street). Most importantly, I gradually found out that most my inner thoughts were sometimes limited to what I have been doing since I graduated. After consulting a few western clients in managing their joint ventures and WFOEs in china, delivering pragmatic writings that most welcomed by those clients, I started wondering what if I want to achieve much more for my life rather than being satisfied with where I am right now.
With the above-mentioned thought, I started this blog to keep a journal of my readings and creating writings. I also continued writing working blog articles to share my lawyering experiences for foreign clients on huaronglaw.com, a site that serves the purpose of attracting targeted clients for my firm.
In its last a few chapters, the author of Option B suggested that resilience could be built in groups and communities to help with personal growth. It made me rethinking of how have I been deliberately avoid dealing with people I don't instantly find connected, so I would have more "my time". The fact is, personal growth is not in conflict with socialising in a wide range. Personal growth could even stagnated when you decide to keep an very indifferent attitude towards others. This thought me that even I am trapped in business trips (currently live a two-city life, for fulfilling my work duty), I should always try to find ways to connect with people, reach out, help others, and to be helped. Just as the author well put as below:
I learned that friendship isn't only what you can give, it's what you're able to receive.